WANTING TO BUTA(DIE)NE

Organic Chemistry has been really hard for a lot of us to grasp right away. Many of the people on this program are pre-medicine, pre-dental, or some other pre-graduate level course based in the medical field. Thus, everyone here could probably be classified as an introvert or has some traits and qualities of being an introvert. I personally, love people. I love helping others, I care immensely for other people, and I love spending time with others and building relationships; however, I need alone time. I am a very introspective person, and I enjoy thinking about life and making sure that I am enjoying every moment. Especially, as I spend time abroad–expensive time!!!

This course has been really enjoyable for me, but also extremely difficult. My brain is wired for chemistry–not biology. I do not enjoy memorizing things and like to think in a more thoughtful and meaningful way. Chemistry better makes sense to me in this way, as we are taught a concept and taught how it is carried out and how that affects how compounds are formed and why things are the way they are. I dread memorizing anatomy and compound structure names. I learn by doing and seeing it be done. I like the mechanics of problems, and the reliability of atoms and compounds. It makes great sense to me, and I feel at ease when my question of why can be answered. Organic Chemistry works in both of those ways. Many people here are wired for Biology. They like learning things by memorization, and much of the vocabulary and mechanics that we learn in Organic Chemistry have a lot to with memorization. Unfortunately, chemistry can come off to people as extremely abstract and miniscule, and irrelevant. While I like to understand the mechanics, the compounds have certain skills that need to connected in your mind just by memorization. Organic Chemistry is a lot of connecting products to reactants to substrates by memorization. Now all the future doctors, biology or chemistry oriented, feel lost and frustrated and screwed over, as we try to grasp concepts of a full semester of Organic Chemistry in 4 weeks.

While we are all fish out of water, flailing on a dock in lecture, our professors struggle as well. This week has been especially hard as we switch professors in our classes and must get used to a new teaching style while learning harder material. While still getting comfortable with each other and our professors, we are spending a lot of time together, and this usually becomes how people begin to hate one another as we become too close for comfort. Many others in my program have gotten touchier and touchier when it comes to ochem. As we continue, we are feeling the mid-term crisis, and hitting a wall. The way that this program is taught, many people feel overwhelmed by the amount of information shown to us in a day, and miss that time to process that you would during a full semester. For me, it has been a mix of that and a push to understand more faster, as things seem to click easier as we something we learned in the past would be the day before and not a week ago. Without this time to process and understand, many people are left confused and want everything to be explained to them because the information is not sticking and thinking hurts. Today, our professor became extremely frustrated and had to rush out of the room for air. We were left feeling terrible and remained silent. I know that some students felt it unprofessional and looked down upon it. I did not. We all feel the exact same way as he does. Even a few days ago, I had to spend time alone to regather myself after spending so much time with Jena and going over the same things over and over while studying for her sake and for mine. Taking this intense of a course is overwhelming. It has sucked a lot so far, but judging by our A average on tests, many of us are successfully retaining the knowledge.

Organic Chemistry in Arezzo is going to be hard. Organic Chemistry is not something that comes easily to anyone. It combines memorization, chemical knowledge, and spacial reasoning into one science. Many of these things are separate in our minds. Many people are not extremely accomplished in all three skills. A little over two weeks in, I am enjoying myself greatly, and finding myself learning so much about Italy, about myself, and about others (and a hell of a lot about ochem). Everyone is different, and we push ourselves and others to be better versions of ourselves. Individuals learn in different ways, and we should use each other’s strengths to inspire ourselves. I have also learned greater respect of other people. Our differences mean other strength and weakness. We have to respect each other for both and not judge others for their strengths or weaknesses. I have learned that being on your own can be a good thing, and that it is completely okay to feel better alone sometimes. Silence in a group can be a source of comfort not awkwardness. Everyone learns in very, very different ways, and it can take longer for some people than others. I have learned so much about Italian culture, and I have learned so much about why I am so in love with Italy and what that says about who I am.

I’m praying for everyone to¬†simmer down in the next week and a half and to find some chill. I have to constantly remind myself and check myself before I say exactly what I think, and rewire my thoughts. I think that all of us have a tough week and a half ahead of us, but that we all can do it. I know that I still have a lot to learn from this country, my professors, and the other students in my class. I can’t wait to see what the rest of June brings. Hopefully all good things.

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